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damn [09 Feb 2005|03:07am]
i never update this stupid thing.

i really kinda hate Livejournal now.

but im -totally- ADDICTED to my Xanga.

Xanga is awesome. i think its because livejournal is so difficult...my Xanga is so much prettier and cooler than this old thing. and i can put music on it.

anyway. nothing important to say. i think ill get on xanga....

i might as well delete this damn thing. its empty space.

that will be all.
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[07 Jan 2005|07:18pm]
Name:Kat, Kitty, Kitten, Kristen
Birthdate:July 20, 1984
Hair:right now its red, black and and burgundy
How many true relationships have you had?:2
Have you ever been in love?:yes i have
What's your idea of a perfect date?:anything involving laughter with the right person. I don't care if we sit in abox together, if we laugh, and we connect, then it is perfect.
Where's your favorite place to be kissed?:the back of my neck.
How many sexual partners have you had?:2
How many people have you kissed?:eh.....heh.
Do you like to make the first move?:depends on the individual. i feed off of the other persons energy, if im getting the right vibes, then sure why not.
Are you a snuggler?:definately.
Do you kiss on the first date?:if were connecting, and were both equally feeling each other, why not?
Where is the best place you've ever hooked up?:unfortunately ive only done it with people around, never in some exotic or daring place
Do you consider yourself to be romantic?:sure do
Are you an angel or a devil in the sack?:eh....id have to say devil....heh
Would you ever pay someone for sex?:LOL.....gonna be a no
Would you ever let someone pay YOU for sex?:HAHA....ive got bitches all over town that gimme a share....LOL j\k no!
Do you keep your eyes open when you kiss?:only to see of the other persons eyes are open which they had better not be cause that is totally weird.
What was your most embarrassing sexual moment?:haha...once i was..down there and i bit my girlfriend and she smacked me...LoL
Have your parents ever caught you in a compromising position?:no but my sister has...heh
Have you ever performed a striptease?:sure have
How about a lapdance?:yep
Have you ever received a lapdance?:that too
Do you like sexual contact?:im sometimey. sometimes absolutely not and sometimes i feel like im going to burst without it.
Are you straight, gay or bi?:i dont really do labels....but i perfer women about 96%.
Have you ever made out with a member of the opposite sex?:unfortunately yes.
Are you a giver or a taker?:depends on how im feeling and the person.
What do you look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend?:SENSE OF HUMOR. depth, wisdom, diversity in interests. Someone who has goals...perferably educated.
Do you think you've met the person you'll spend the rest of your life with?:Actually i do. i just dont think that the rest of our lives together is going to start right now.
Do you know who your bridesmaids and groomsmen would be?: Not right now no.
Have you ever regretted a hook-up?:yeah i have...*shudder*
Have you ever cheated on a significant other?:...yeah.....
Have you ever hooked-up with someone already in a relationship?:....yeah.....
Have you ever cried over a member of the opposite sex?:yuck!! unfortunately yes
Have you ever had your heart broken?:over and over again.
Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?:no!
Would you date or marry someone if your parents didn't accept them?:sure would. mommy and daddy would have to bob on a fat one.
How about if your friends didn't accept them?:fuck em.
What's the worst relationship you ever had?:Calvin Black. and i am NOT gonna go into detail..yuck.
Have you ever done anything sexual while on the road?:LoL!!! yeah......
Would you kiss someone if you didn't love them?:of course.
Who told you all about sex?: My friends...LoL
Are you always horny?:no.....but i am more lately than ever before
Are you a flirt?:YES...GOD....and i am working on that.
Are you a tease?:i have been told such.
Do you prefer to chase or BE chased?:im more of a chaser actually...
Do you prefer morning or evening hook-ups?:morning!!!
Have you ever pulled an all-nighter with a member of the opposite sex, and woke up in each others arms?:yeah....its better with the same sex. women are beautiful.
How old were you at the age of your first kiss?:15
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:16
Do you sometimes wish you could change that?:Not really...
Do you enjoy being in a relationship?:at times i become curious....but yes.
Are you currently in one?:well no......
Have anyone ever fallen in love with you?:yes they have.
Have you ever said "I Love You" and not meant it?:absolutely not.
Are you "noisy" when you get heated?:eeeek!!!! only if youre doing it right...and ill tell you if youre not. ill admit that i am quite the moaner. *wink*
What is your kissing pet peeve?:TOO MUCH TONGUE. when the other person goes too fast *smirk* and i espically hate it when they kiss me but they dont touch any part of my body while they kiss me...dude...wrap your arms around me, hold my hand, run your fingurs thought my hair ( espically that one ) do SOMETHING...
Do you think you're a good kisser?:dunno. heh...ask my special friend...

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eh [11 Dec 2004|09:31pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

wow....what? i think i need to work on the way that i handle certain types of situations because i have earned myself a reputation of being rather coldhearted and unforgiving. im not sure why this is, espically considering the fact that i used to be overly forgiving, however now i sort of operate on a, "once you're done, you're done" basis. i met a girl some months ago who i thought was this really amazing person, yet after she met a girl and got a girlfriend, she completely stopped talking to me- which pissed me off pretty bad. i saw her in walmart one day and told her exactly what i thought about her too- which i realize was my bad and is something that i need to learn to control. my mouth. heh...i let her have it to...now she wont talk to me. while i realize that this was entirely my fault, i do feel like i had justified reasoning for being upset with her. She tells me im the greatest thing ever and shes so happy that we met and blah blah for X amopunt of time, until she meets a girl and boom, she falls to the bottom of the pile just like everyone else, and she becomes the same faux individual i expect everyone to be. she doesnt return phone calls or messages, hell i could have been dead and she would not have any idea. heh. thats fake...sorry. i think if i met someone great and really started to become cool with them and I up and stopped calling someone after all of the...things...that i had said to them (like she used to say to me), theyed be fucking pissed. Hell i wasnt even pissed really...more hurt that i was going to be expieriencing the same lame redundancy that occurs with most of the people...really all of the people i meet. and even after i attempted to apologize to her, she still chose to be petty. what for? whats the benefit of it? i guess im kicking myself now because shes right....i should not have approached her like that. i just wish people werent so faux.

then i would not have to be so upfront, and blunt about my dissaproval of it.

1 comment|post comment

yay! I got another job... [29 Oct 2004|12:49am]
i now work at Aeropostale in Castleton Square Mall.

so everybody come visit me =)
2 comments|post comment

fun fun fun [03 Oct 2004|08:24pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

well i had a good weekend. i didnt actually go to the classic, but i had my fun.

friday night i went to the caberet. it was fucking packed-way past capacity..you literally had like no room to dance whatsoever, it was like if you were dancing with one person, you were also dancing with everybody around you because we were packed in so tight! it was so much fun though, i danced, looked at at studs, looked at more studs. one stud in particular i was looking at was Amanda Perez. yeah you know....the singer that sings angel and i pray: she was there. she looked irked the entire night, like she barely smiled at all, and she was with some disgruntled female- not sure what was up with that. i wasn't star struck or anything, really none was. i think everybody was afraid to talk to her beacuse of the mean ass looking girl that was with her. eh. i dunno, but she was makeup less- she looks much better without it. besides her, i danced the night away. they played flap your wings, and i got down and did it in my tall ass boots, and when i looked up i was surrounded by a crowd of people staring at me heh....i was feeling kinda bashful after that. it was fun though.

there was a really funny drag show too...mainly..bigger....dragqueens..heh...in thongs.

but overall, it was the most fun ive had in a long time =)

3 comments|post comment

the pressure [29 Sep 2004|09:20pm]
[ mood | sad ]

becomes more intense as i search deep for a place to belong.
i want, somebody to want me,
to need and to have me be a part of their life.
perhaps be the part of their life that
makes them smile.
or at least part of it.
everyday is the beginning of the stuggle
for me to fight off the
deeply rooted loneliness that i feel everyday of my life.
walking down the street, seeing people together,
laughter joking, friendship. they have
it all. everything ive always wanted
yet exactly what i do not have.
too much.
there is a burning within me that reaches out
to anyone whom would be williing to take hold of me
to take me hand, embrace me
and love me for the imperfect fragile
being that i have become.
i remember a time when i was happy.
friends, school, work, play
stay up all night on the phone
sleep all day
movies, malls, walks, restraunts, guys , girls
it was everything to me to be included
in the lives of those who cared.
who cared to have me,
and felt as if a part of them would die without me.
i no longer have that.
i have this computer.
i have these walls, these keys, this life.
and myself.
i am alone.
wanting to leave here, escape this place
start fresh and new. new people
new oppurtunity, a new beginning for me
to expierence and be a part of a world somewhere
completely different
where nobody knows my name, and
i can be whomever i want to be.
here, in all its patheticness.
everyone is so fake. nothing is real.
matter, it is an illusion
and the things you once clinged too
are gone.
where is the inspiration to go on?
i am alone, and my world is empty.
there is me, and there is nothing.
my spirit is broken my heart is cold and dead.
why should i continue to subject me self to this pain.
i just want it to stop.
i need to gain strength
and stability
in order to maintain

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[29 Sep 2004|01:44pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i was vain to believe in it
selfish to think it was possible
a life, to call my own
happy, fulfilled, uplifting
worth living.
only in a perfect world where people
laugh when things are funny
cry when things are sad, are open to
expierence the human emotion
that is instilled within all of us from birth
in order for us to feel it,
live it, breathe it
what does it really stand for?
perhaps its a sad excuse for us all
hide from the inner part of us that knows
were really alone and will always be that way,
because we are imperfections.
do we long to simply have a human speciment here to point
out all that is right with us and
ignore all that is wrong?
can we not love ourselves?
xplain your true purpose; love.
here, i sit here, alone,
clicking away at these keys wondering,
what do i, you, we even know about love?
it all comes, it all goes,
everything DIES.
everything as we know it will someday
become extinct including ourselves.
so why all the fuss?
why the constant strggles to fit in
to belong
to be wanted
be accepted
be free to be who we are when we want o be
and the desire to be
its a dark evil it is,
the root, the promise broken
of all salvation.
my wish was only to be those things
to belong, be free, accepted,
you look around you, and your surroundings...
..leave a lot to be desired.
everyones so fake, everything is numb
and nothing is real.
there is no love.
the is no respect
there is no acceptance.
there is hate.
there is betrayal
and there are illusions of the people
you thought you once knew.
where does it end,
where did it all begin,
i want to end it.
and be whisked away to a place where,
true happiness can exist.

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im so fucking..... [21 Sep 2004|10:05pm]
[ mood | hot ]

horney. god. id give anything to be satisfied fully right now.

1 comment|post comment

heya everyone. [08 Sep 2004|01:31am]
[ mood | creative ]

im a N.U.L reject as well, i applied ages ago and got horrifically rejected, so ive just been watching (and silently admiring one specific one ) the community and laughing at all the mean things they say. hah remembering what they said to me as well. anyway, i thought about re-applying but after seeing those girls i know i dont have what it takes to get in. but anyway...here are some pics if anyones interested.

Read more...Collapse )

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............... [26 Aug 2004|11:37pm]
[ mood | sad ]


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yay!!! more self mutilatioN!!! [18 Aug 2004|07:19pm]
[ mood | happy ]

and here it goes....i did it. i got yes...

another piercing.

dun dun dun....

and this time its an ORBITAL!!!!

and it looks, -SO AWEWSOME-. i abso;utely LOVE it.

hurt like a muthafucka though, hurt just as bad as the industrial, i actually shed a tear. i think the fact that the girl who helped me pick the jewerly was menacingly hot, AND the guy who did the actual piercing was extremely hot as well, made me be strong.


so whats everyone think?!?!


HA!! Jamiel were tied up once again!! screw your ROOK!!


2 comments|post comment

hey [08 Aug 2004|12:45pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i know that i rarely write but there are a few things that i just would like to get off of my chest.

i need to stop immersing myself in people who treat me like shit. its almost as if there exists a factor of desperation in side of me when i meet someone new, i become exhilerated by there seemingly amazing existence at that time, and begin to find myself longing for there attention, even if afterawhile that attention becomes short lived. In essence, it seems that everybody i have newly met in the past 2 years, has a ppeared to be one person ino the beginning, yet in the end, turned out to be somebody totally different.

it makes me wonder why people are the way that they are. is it me? do i do something to physically repel people? i do not believe so. i know that when i was in high school, this was probably definately true. but not anymore. highschool is over and im adult now. I am a different person than i was back then

and i expect people to treat me how i deserve to be treated. yet just like in my most recent incedent, the to which i blame this entry, and incedent where i was horrifically let down by someone who i thought was truely amazing. yet they were false the entire time. i do not understand.

loneliness can take a lot of a person. mentally and psyhically, you can become so a customed to having someone around that in the instance that they leave, you feel like youve become nothing again. or the instance where you meet someone great, and they turn out to be someone you wish you had never met int he fisrt place. which is how im feeling now.

unfortunately, though, im not surprised. extremely hurt, yet nto surprised none the less. Perhaps it is my fault, i let my emotions get the best of my better judgement.

but next time i know, and from now on i will pay closer attention...

people are not always who they seem.

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Update [03 Jul 2004|01:20pm]
[ mood | excited ]

life is.....good and bad at the same time.

the good news:

im finally rolling!!!! took till i was almost 20 years old but im finally here. my mother GAVE me her car, gave me a key and everything. my names not ont he title and all that but as long as i live here then shell worry about all that leater i guess. im finally driving, i finally have MY OWN car and im free to do whatever the hell i want when i want.

but whats so weird is, im in the house right now, just looking at the car, knowing that the whole world is officially my playground, yet i am not soaking up a single ounce of it. when i had no car no license etc, it was like i would think of all these places i wanted to go and all these these i wanted to do and couldent do them,

but now that the oppurtunity exists for me to do them all, im sitting in the house in my pajamas. its like i dont know what to do with it.


i feel like such an assheel.

the bad news is,

within the same hour i was given the car...i wanet to the store, pulled in the drive too close on the passenger side, attempted to back up and broke the side mirror off on a buff, fierce STOLEN trashcan.

how fucking annoying!!!

and the shits gonna be 300 bucks to fix.

so now i have a ductaped side mirror..LoL its operational though!!

other than that...this rules...
my own car!!!

2 comments|post comment

Amateur Photography [16 Jun 2004|10:37pm]
[ mood | creative ]

me chillin at the white river gardens....i love this picture?

I took this in the butterfly gardens at WHite river gardens...decent shot huh?

the floweries smelled nice....

kay. thats all folks.

1 comment|post comment

Amateur Photography [16 Jun 2004|10:37pm]

me chillin at the white river gardens....i love this picture?

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[04 Jun 2004|08:45pm]
[ mood | jealous ]

must be cool to be able to do that.

wish i was that bendy...

1 comment|post comment

ugh [28 May 2004|04:39pm]
[ mood | DISGUSTED ]

so i guess there were a bunch of gay marriage protestors on the circle today downtown...and my girl was taking a break from work with some of our co-workers and drove past them.

one of them then made the comment that he has to agree with them? ( as in the protestors )

he better be so fucking glad i was off today and i wasn't there....

thats all I have to say about that.

hopefully I will beable to shake it off by 4:30 AM SUnday, (the next time i work) and not give him the cold should for his ignorant beliefs.

And as for those fucks oon the circle, sure is a good thing i discovered i could pay my victorias secret bill online because i was planning on taking a trip down there today.

im so fucking disgusted.

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yay for Fantasia!! [26 May 2004|10:36pm]
[ mood | happy ]



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Hello Folks [24 May 2004|12:20am]
[ mood | cold ]

i am very tired. very very tired. i worked from 4:30 AM until 12:30 AM yesterday.

thats 18 and a half hours.

i slept nearly all day and i am still damn tired.
i had to be at the track at 4:30, but got up at 2:30 so that i could get some breakfast. went to ihop. very yummy.

18 and a half hours straight is the longest i have ever worked in my life.

hell, better that in one day than 12 hour days 7 days a week like my mom has to work now because bitch ass SBC is on strike.

my poor mommy.

but even so, 18 hours is a long time to be on your feet. at least she sits at a desk all day.


i watched television today and discoved that BUSH is the leading presidential candidate here in indiana.

wow i had no idea indiana was full of such footfucks.

bushie won't be getting my vote however i can tell you that, now that im old enough to vote i sure as hell wil be doing so.

im loving my new job and all the males i work with are really hot.

so i get to look at hotties all day which is a plus. good money too.

its gonna be a hot one this week, maybe i will get a chance to wear my new dress sometime this week. along with my new shoes.

not much to say really. i never update this thing because it has been my expierience that its nothing but trouble really. i dont care to post the innermost details of my life on the most accesible informational gossip highway for lowlifes with no daily nor nightly activities to read a broadcast throughout indianapolis indiana or the world even.

that is precisely what happpened in highschool, its not ever going to happen again though that i do promise you.

ill be 20 in 2 months, WOO HOO!

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daily rant....read at own risk. [06 Apr 2004|09:56am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

so i fail to understand the basis behind the prejudice of this country.

but i have an idea.

people fear what they don't understand.

since people dont understand somebody elses desires, or actions, they condemn them, with no basis, without even giving it a second thought.

you see i would never do this. It has been said that people quarrel because they cannot argue. Shout blissful bouts of ignorance, because they have no facts to base their judgement upon. implying a point of view that without factual evidence.

people are so ignorant and selfish with their opinions, that they assume they need no basis here. "we are american, we have freedom of speech, we have democracy here, we have a right to express our opinions and our government has a right to listen. we are a free country and we govern ouselves!"

selfish spoiled america. i am ashamed to live here actually, in a country where the important issues such as war, poverty, homelessness and education, are pushed aside so that the government can tango with the legal right to govern peoples private lives.

you see, everybodys seems to be so outraged by our lack of children going to college, teen pregnancy, drug abuse etc. they get on the news it makes the papers, they rant and rave about taking care of the children, funding for college, developing programs to help those people in need.

but when you turn on the news, after a brief showing of homeless children, and a couple murders, a 2 hour long segment on how homosexuals suck and and they dont deserve any rights graces the presence of your television screen.
a bunch of 50 year old men who probably have had sex in about 26 yearsm and hideously unattractive women in plain black and blue suits, sit and ramble on about the "sanctity of a marriage" and men and women and unions and blah blah blah blah, insistent on convincing americans to abandon their right to choose and "fight for a constitutional amendment that would undermine one of the worlds most fundamental practices."

and then they hget to the children bit, because we all know that in order to raise a family, you have to be straight, living together, working, and religious because all children who dont grow up with married parents with a pict fence and a labrador retriever are damned, and my god a single mother? Fuck... she may as well give of now because women are too weak to raise children on their own. Better call Jhonny Cockren (or however you spell that).

not to undermine the benefits of a marriage to children. yes they are a good in eviroment in which to raise children. have a family . it is best for a child to grow up with two parents. I myself live with both my parents and have a very happy family.

but lets face it, thats not going to happen. men are going to abandon their children. women are going to be unfit mothers. all marriages are not going to last, and children are going to continue to grow up lack the "traditional american family". you cannot preserve society in such a way that would prevent this from happening.

however george w. bush seems to think so.

i fail to undertstand how my decision to marry another woman affects family values. we are dealing with two seperate issues here, gay marriage vs. gay parenting. these are two seperate arguments, yet the government is trying to make them one in the same, and use that as a way of attacking the marriage issue. FALLACY.

there is no basis behand that argument. just because i choose to marry another woman, does not mean we want kids. and if we dont want kids, in what way does our relationships threaten family values?

i want the reason i cannot marry the woman I love to be argued. not what it does to kids. this doesnt have anything to do with kids, this deals with 2 people who love each other, wanting to be with each other. PERIOD.
we will worry about the children later.

furthermore, i fail to understand how my decision to marry another woman affects anyone for that matter. oh i know, it doesnt. what i do in the privacy of my own home is my buisness, no body elses, not even the government. since when the the government have right to govern my private life?

were not talking about a federal offense here such as incest, since again ignorant spoiled americans seem to think that allowing gays to marry then must mean were going to allow people to marry their fathers.

to marry ones father creates so many problems within the genepool as well as interferes with the development of the family tree (ex. If a daughter has sex with her father and gets pregnant, the babies mother would also be her sister, and the babies father would also be her granfather, all sisters, would be aunts\sisters etc.) could cause all types of birth defects and is detrimentally harmful to any child that could come from that type of union.

so what do you have on gays?
tick tick tick...
not a damn thing. no defects. no interference. no more of a possibility of disease than anyone else who has unprotected sex or doesnt know their partners sexual history.


so why is the government so insistent on us not having this?

because people fear what they dont understand, and if they dont understand it, it must be wrong. Immoral rather, as bushie seems to think. because we all know that amending the constitution will protect marriage in its right. men an women will keep marrying and divoring, children will continue to grow up less of one parent and socielty itself will florish and be great!!

what a bunch of stupid fucks our U.S government are.

im no politician, im not even all that smart, but I do know the basics of freedom and independence. I do know about our COnsitution and its founding fathers, I do know what its intent was, and how it was supposed to be implemented...

and that intended implementation was not intended to be in a way that would single out a specific group of people and explicity DENY them rights under the federal law.

but to whose jurisdiction is this presented?

good ol bushie.

and because he thinks its wrong, it must be wrong, and god damnnit if you dont like believe it, he'll just make it so that the constitution says so!!

in my government class, my teacher told us that whenever we do not know the answer to a question regarding why a governmental policy or procedure is, there is one answer that will almost always be correct. know what it is?

"its in the constitution"

well folks , if things go bushies way, in the future why can't gays get married?

"its in the constitution"

it will be that fucking simple!

wow, what a "free" country we live in.

its sick. it really is.

its funny how the government gives the legal right for heavily racist groups like the KKK, legal permission to rally in public areas for their cause, and protects their right to do so

but in states like Lousiana, gay PDA's are outlawed(supposedly). SO we have a right to pubically be racist? but not the right to kiss the person we love?


im so annoyed.

perhaps when im older ill move to Canada.

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